Waiting for Grades

If you read my previous post you are aware of the situation I am in.  I took my final for Adult Health and I want to say that I feel good about it, but not good enough to know if I passed.  Its definitely another episode of Pharmacology ( I just hope it has the same ending).  I studied all weekend and I studied till 5 this morning ( probably shouldn’t have done that…).

Naturally, after a big final our class went down for lunch (around 10 am) and we had a good time. I have to admit that what I am feeling is strange.  Last year when I went through the same scenario (some people just done learn) I was having trouble breathing.  Now, I have a pain on my chest and I feel an odd sense of stiff relaxation.  I have to consciously breath too- apparently I forget to breath because I find myself taking taking deep breathes.

One my close friends invited me to go out for a couple of drinks and at the time I wanted to go out and have a bit of stress free fun, but I am now feeling exhausted and I have another assignment to do.

I think I will go out for a run to just calm myself down & hope for the best-
Because at this point that is all I can do.


Hanging on

Its like Pharmacology all over again.  

I am ranging on a 79% on my Adult Health class.  I am feeling that anxiety that comes with the tightness of the chest and I feel like I have an apple stuck inside my throat.  I keep swallowing trying to get rid of it but its not moving.  I randomly burst into tears and then I clean myself up.  I am so weird.  

People reading this probably think I am a psycho…..

I though I passed my exam from yesterday, but I was wrong. I got a 66% on it.  I was so sure I passed it =( I was hoping to get a good grade on this so I wouldn’t have to stress as much for the final as I am now.  

I have a picture of my parents by my desk and I am so afraid of disappointing them.  

Bad grades are the only thing in the world that can make me moody and get me to take it out on people…nerd status- I know. 

Well, that was the update.  I am a mess- BUT I will study my brains out.  



The way I see it

Waiting, it Can’t Wait

I’m not trying to boast, but I am a calmed individual.  Therefore, you can conclude that it takes an extreme situation for me to loose control.  

It was a Friday night on the year 2006.  I was in marching band and we had just finished our show (which was presented during half time during football events).  We were all doing our routine huddle, when all of the sudden a girl collapses and starts having some sort of seizure.  Everyone in the band froze…literally.  We were no help at all.  This poor girl was just gasping and shaking…it was a frightful scene.  This “freeze” episode lasted about 3 seconds, then all hell broke loose.  People started screaming, running in circles, my band director ran to get help.  

I stood in front of her and I stared at her (I know what you’re thinking…”and you want to be a nurse?”)  I was pretty calmed, I wanted to put a spoon in her mouth so she wouldn’t bite her tongue off  (I saw it in a movie).

I remember this in slow motion, people were crying around me and there I was living everything in slow motion.  

I told you this story just to demonstrate that I do not loose control.  

If you read my past post, I am experiencing difficulties getting readmitted into ASU even though I have been accepted into their nursing program (which is highly competitive).  This whole experience has gotten me feeling out of control.  Ill be driving in my car and I will suddenly feel very stressed out and burst into tears.  I will be happy staring at the sky, then I think of its beauty and I get a little sad and I remember my dilemma and I get all emotional.  



(This guy in the picture is waiting for the world to turn, all he can to do is wait and hope that his star appears- if he misses it, theres always the next day)


I hate not being in control of my emotions, I hate crying even if I am by myself and I hate loosing my cool.  

I got to say that I do not think I can wait any longer without completely loosing it in front of people.   

I just hope I get the answer I want by the end of this week…


Sorry, just had to vent. 
Thanks for reading 🙂