The way I see it

What If :S

Maybe I have already posted about this, but I’ve been doing a lot of “what if” thinking.  What if I cant retake NUR 410, What if I cant get back into the Nursing Program, What if I never become a nurse, what if I become a loser and I go nowhere in life?

Ok, so I’m over doing it, but I’m just feeling anxious.  I’m just keeping things real so I am not so disappointed.  Don’t get me wrong I really want to finish this Nursing program that I started ages ago.

I meet with the Nursing committee January 5th.  I have to tell them why I failed and how I plan to succeed.  It’s insanely stressful.  I am scared.  I don’t know if I will be allowed to return to school to retake this course.  I hate going through this AGAIN.  Seriously guys, don’t do it….don’t fail any course in school.  However, I have decided to go through with this meeting.  I hope I am given the opportunity to try one more time, because I have decided that if for some crazy highly unexpected event occurs and I fail again…I will not try again.  This will be it.  That’s how I feel about it now….

I am 5 classes from graduating…

& I don’t know what my future holds.

I’ll just become a traveler like the lovely Lena

 

 

 

 

 

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The way I see it

Life is just Funny

Funny as in weird.  I’m writing this blog in a hospital room.  A few days ago I was sulking about Community Health.  I was thinking of how unfortunate my situation was.  I’ve been sort of depressed and not really doing much except feel sorry for myself.  Ultimately I’ve been acting like a loser…by choice.  Life sometimes deals you a terrible card, but then you discover that that card is not the worst one you could have been dealt with.
Yeah, the direction my life is taking is not where I would want it to be.  However, it really could be worse.  I’ve got to deal with what I have now and just be thankful for what I do have.  I’ve got a family that backs me up no matter what.  I have great friends that encourage me and I really cant ask for more.  All I need is 5 classes to graduate.  Like my firend Chris said “EventuallyI we will graduate”.  I’m still planning on graduating next year-I just have to wait and hope that they grant my petition to continue into the program.

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The way I see it

Not Sure

I am not sure how I feel.  It’s sort of like being a tumble weed on a windy day.  As you might have guessed, I failed to move on to my last semester of Nursing school.  I missed the grade by .08 and let me just begin to tell you that I’ve done my crying.  Of course, if people ask me about it I’ll start up a storm again…I’m still sensitive.  I was considering just dropping out, not even trying.  You guys know- I’ve been through this before & so I thought…maybe it’s the universe trying to tell me something.   I was feeling incredibly low and so I just decide to go out that night (yesterday) and see friends.  I didn’t even want to talk to anyone really.   I just wanted to get out of the house and distract myself from my thoughts.   I go to the Mesa Temple to see the Christmas lights and then I am more in the background.  I am looking but I’m not really seeing….I am not sure if that makes sense, but when I am in there, its like no one else is there.  I found myself following a group of people.  I was just there and after a while I felt like everything was going to be okay.  At that point I was hoping that the Instructor would give me a point or 1/2 a point, but I knew that if she did not….everything would be fine.

I decide to go home early from Mesa, and as I am walking out, I get asked to “hang out” to which I say yes (random, but it happened), then I find myself walking with a friend.   I ended up telling this friend about my situation and he was just a great listener.

Anyhow, come today Its confirmed that there is no way I could get that point.  I keep going back and forth with “What if this” “what if that”  those words will forever keep you in a cycle that will torture you with things that cant be tampered with…which is the past.  I will not go on to my last semester of Nursing school.  I will not graduate this May.  My plans have been ruined and I can only blame myself.

Don’t worry, I am okay now.  I am calm and now I can only wait to see what will happen to me.  I will petition for the last time to retake this class and I will graduate.  Even if I feel like giving up, I will not -that is just not who I am.  I will finish.  Now, I can only wait and hope that my petition is granted and my plans for graduation will only be postponed a few months.

Here I go again,

The waiting game begins.

 

 

 

 

 

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The way I see it

2 More Weeks

Things have been okay.  I’ve been a little stressed.  Things are piling up and I am starting to feel like I almost cant handle it.  However, I am staying on top of things…I think.  I have a community paper due and all of that APA really makes my life harder.  I am pretty much paraphrasing my paper and I am scared to get a zero for plagiarism.  I mean, should I do an in-text citation after every sentence….? Probably not, but its just nerve wrecking.  I will talk about it with the instructor too just make sure all is well.  I have a PEDS exam this Wednesday and then the final next Wednesday.  I have an Community Exam this coming Monday & the Final a week from that Monday.  I have a Project due on the following Wednesday too.  It doesn’t seem like much, but believe me- its all tedious work.  I am excited though, just a few more weeks till I get my Winter break.
I am ready for a break.

 

Happy Holidays

 

 

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The Countdown

I have 6 weeks of school left.  I’m getting closer each day.  I can’t believe I will be graduating in May!  *if everything goes right* So far I haven’t failed an exam.  I passed OB with a B and now I am doing very well in PEDs.  Community is slightly boring, but I’m hanging in there.   It definitely gets easier, although the overwhelming stress factor never leaves…I have learned to live with it.

Learn to live people…that’s how you get by =)

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OB Rotation

I love babies and I love to see their parents all excited over them . I enjoy their happiness.  However, I do NOT want to be a labor and delivery nurse.  Most times its happy and babies are adorable, BUT the sad situations overshadow those happy moments.

I had to see a newborn baby go through opiod withdrawals.  It’s pretty much the saddest thing I have ever seen.  The baby couldn’t have been more than 12 hrs old and he doesn’t have a family to keep him safe.  He was so small and so alone.

I was heartbroken.

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It’s Happening

Well it took exactly 3 weeks but I am finally feeling it.

STRESS-

However, I haven’t cried…when I am about to explode with emotion (or whatever it is inside of me) I simply stop thinking.  It works wonders =)  I already finished 2 assignments.  I have 4 more to go.  I could be finishing up one now, but SimChart (Student Nurse Charting website) is acting up & it wont open up my assignment (of course…how did I not see this coming?).

HOWEVER, I will remain calm.  I will remain sane.  I wont make frustrating noises. I will not smash my computer, and I will take deep breaths (currently doing so while I am writing this up).  I will start my care plan and then I will begin to study for the 2 exams that are coming up…
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At least I am not the only one stressing about these issues, you know? I have my entire cohort suffering right along with me (I see their FB posts ), and it may sound a bit mean, but it strangely brings me comfort.  There is nothing like your Nursing group- we definitely stick together.  All joking aside, I do like this group.

Besides Nursing School, I have a Church calling (which I LOVE) but I am seriously falling behind on what I need to do.  I hate that.  This week I will sleep very little & catch up on many things.

*GASP*

Motto of the week

I will sleep very little & catch up on many things.

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