The way I see it

Just Keep Swimming!

It’s ironic since I don’t know how to swim, but I’m going to assume you all have seen Finding Nemo.  Life plans have not been going at all.  It’s almost hilarious- like the world is laughing at me, but I’m going with it.  It’s what you have to do to remain sane people….just ROLL with it.  Trust me- you get used to it.

In a previous post I mentioned that I got a job and I really do like it.  I share an office with an older lady.  She talks A LOT.  I like her, but just the way she goes on and on- I hope I don’t loose my sanity.  While working here, I have found myself mildly obsessed with some guy.  I’ll talk about him later- hes a very nice distractor from everything.

I went to go talk to a lady from NAU/Community College.  I am still going to be a nurse, but I need to know how that is going to happen.  She gave me GREAT advise…which was  a reality check.   I know I’m in a deep hole but she was just so blunt/nice about it and she just wanted to help me out.  ASU already denied my petition and my ASU adviser (shes great too) pretty much told me that ASU was a no go.  The NAU lady, instead of suckering me into coming to her school (which they would but it would take me longer) she told me to “beg, cry and steal” to get back into ASU.  I am so much closer if I go back than any of my other options.   Right now my transcripts are being reviewed and I could potentially be placed in third block-but I could still need 10  more classes & that is IF I get into block 3.  I was going to petition back into ASU anyhow, but it was more of a “bleh” effort.  After listening to her, I’m going to petition and I am going to really sell my story.  I did have a lot of obstacles in my previous failures and I’m just going to really push that.  If it weren’t for those issues, community potentially could have been my only failure.  If ASU still says no then Ill have no choice but to go to plan B. I just have to truly try- and in the end it’ll be okay =)

In regards to my CNA plans, looks like they are put on hold *world laughing*  I got an email last Wednesday saying that the AZBN denied my waiver because it had to be done within 2 years.  I knew about the two years, and I thought that the clinical rotations I’ve been doing since then would count.  I am hoping that it is mistake and they will see all of the rotations  I’ve been doing.

Needless to say I cried and what not….I got crushed all over again.

Things just didn’t work out for me and you now what- That is life.  I must never compare myself to the rest though because that is when I start to feel very incompetent.  We are all different and I am not going to measure myself up to no one except me.  I don’t blame anyone for what is happening except for myself, and you now what- I am learning from every single thing that happens to me.

I’ll keep you all posted


The way I see it

Not Sure

I am not sure how I feel.  It’s sort of like being a tumble weed on a windy day.  As you might have guessed, I failed to move on to my last semester of Nursing school.  I missed the grade by .08 and let me just begin to tell you that I’ve done my crying.  Of course, if people ask me about it I’ll start up a storm again…I’m still sensitive.  I was considering just dropping out, not even trying.  You guys know- I’ve been through this before & so I thought…maybe it’s the universe trying to tell me something.   I was feeling incredibly low and so I just decide to go out that night (yesterday) and see friends.  I didn’t even want to talk to anyone really.   I just wanted to get out of the house and distract myself from my thoughts.   I go to the Mesa Temple to see the Christmas lights and then I am more in the background.  I am looking but I’m not really seeing….I am not sure if that makes sense, but when I am in there, its like no one else is there.  I found myself following a group of people.  I was just there and after a while I felt like everything was going to be okay.  At that point I was hoping that the Instructor would give me a point or 1/2 a point, but I knew that if she did not….everything would be fine.

I decide to go home early from Mesa, and as I am walking out, I get asked to “hang out” to which I say yes (random, but it happened), then I find myself walking with a friend.   I ended up telling this friend about my situation and he was just a great listener.

Anyhow, come today Its confirmed that there is no way I could get that point.  I keep going back and forth with “What if this” “what if that”  those words will forever keep you in a cycle that will torture you with things that cant be tampered with…which is the past.  I will not go on to my last semester of Nursing school.  I will not graduate this May.  My plans have been ruined and I can only blame myself.

Don’t worry, I am okay now.  I am calm and now I can only wait to see what will happen to me.  I will petition for the last time to retake this class and I will graduate.  Even if I feel like giving up, I will not -that is just not who I am.  I will finish.  Now, I can only wait and hope that my petition is granted and my plans for graduation will only be postponed a few months.

Here I go again,

The waiting game begins.