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Oh my my my

Now I’ve done it.

I’m in.

I found out I was going to start school again in April of 2019.

The accelerated nursing program!

I am beyond excited but I have to admit that although I should have had all of the nursing money- I don’t.

I have NO excuse. I worked for over two years and had saved up quite a bit but my depression took the best of me and I used alot of my school money. I’ve been saving up still but done have all of it. I’m not as stressed about it as I should be.

I could have had a partime job since April but like I said…I didn’t do my best to get that part time job. I wil suffer the consequences.

I spoke to my family and they will help me out. I am thankful for them and embarrased but oh well.

Guys, I am going to focus and have no distractions. My outlet will be church for two hours a week.

I need to find scholarships (I’ve applied to some) but if you know of any please let me know.

I am nervous to stop working since I help out the family but I see this as an investment. I will give back 🙂

I love my family and this time I will succeed because I can’t afford to fail.

I’m excited!!!

I think I might start a youtube channel about my LOOOONG journey.

Wish me luck guys-

Wish me luck

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Death…

This year has been the worst- although I had some great times in the year…overal, in comparison- it has been the worst.

I turned in my Nursing application (yay).

I was forced to meet death, and alot of emotions/thoughts came from that.

I met someone amazing and within a year I found utter heartbreak.

All of the sudden the pain that nursing school caused was NOTHING compared to loosing my Mom and the boy I thought was going to marry.

I see it very clearly- I can simply reapply to nursing school and get on with it.

I wont see my Mom again except in my dreams (which I seldom have now), and my life suddenly isn’t what I thought it would be.

This post has been saved in my drafts for months and it’s February and I’m finally finishing it up.

On August 17th, 2017 @ 0105 my Mom exhaled for the last time.

She was surrounded by those that she loved most. She was able to see all of her siblings *who travelled from far away places*.

She left us peacefully and that gives me comfort.

She recognized me a day before and smiled- everytime I remember her face I tear up.

I miss her so much words cannot begin to describe.

August 25, 2017 my boyfriend proposed.

September 4, 2017 I was heartbroken.

November 9th I was single.

December 15…decided to give it another try, but I’m not engaged and don’t plan on it anytime soon.

I don’t like having regrets and I was very depressed and lonely when I decided that I wanted him back. It wasn’t magical like I thought it would be…but were working on it with no strings attached. There’s broken trust that needs to be repair.

I’m not so worried about my relationship. If it works it works- #NuffSaid

I am worried about my well being. Sometimes I am so unstable. I freak out and can’t breathe. I start hyperventilating…never had I gone through something like that.

I’m focusing on my family and friends. Im workimg hard to save $ and am patiently waiting to get back to school 🙂

I’d been sad almost everyday untill January where I decided that I am the only one that can choose happiness. Thats when I decided to not worry abouy my relationship (as much as I did), I’m just doing the best I can with my family and ever since changing my attitude I am more optimistic about my future.

I still get sad and have my little episodes but I am ok.

And I will continue to be ok.

I am striving towards happiness-

One day I’ll see my mother and she will know that I did my best.

I can’t wait to see her again.

That thought keeps me going.

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Quick update

Guys, I overreacted.  I’m laughing about the whole thing now.  I miscalculated and freaked my self out for almost an entire day.
Everything will be okay =)
I don’t need to get an A on the final to pass the test, HOWEVER, that does not mean I will take it easy.  I’m still going to super study and aim for that 100%. I just wont be anxious and psycho about the whole thing.

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One More Week

Oh gosh,

I messed up todays test.  I really messed up.  I have been doing so well, like incredibly well compared to other semesters.  I practically need to get a 100% on my final, that is how bad I messed up.  Well, that is my goal at least, I will aim for a 100% so if I get something lower I will still pass the class.  I just screwed up and I have that gut drop feeling.  I am on the verge of tears.  I haven’t cried, but I’m sure I will when I tell my parents.  I’m so disappointed in my score today and my parents will be disappointed too.  I am sad, but I will stay optimistic.  I will get a 100% on my Final =)

I’ve made arrangements, I canceled my Wednesday and Thursday meetings.  I will study and do the best I can because when its over I want to be able to say that I gave it my all.

I wont give up.

Ill update you all on December 8th.

 

 

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The Countdown

I have 6 weeks of school left.  I’m getting closer each day.  I can’t believe I will be graduating in May!  *if everything goes right* So far I haven’t failed an exam.  I passed OB with a B and now I am doing very well in PEDs.  Community is slightly boring, but I’m hanging in there.   It definitely gets easier, although the overwhelming stress factor never leaves…I have learned to live with it.

Learn to live people…that’s how you get by =)

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7 Weeks to go

I did it people, I passed OB.  I got an 87% in the class.  It’s a solid B.  I am quite pleased with myself.  Overall this week has been hectic. To simplify things I’ve got a sister who is finally moving out, my windshield broke as I left from my final yesterday and I’m just going with the flow.  I’ve got great parents though.  I wouldn’t have been able to do this without their support (financially and emotionally).  Now, I enter Fall break (Saturday, Sunday, Monday & Tuesday *I KNOW*)  and I plan to study my brains out.  I also have to attend weddings.  Ah October…How I love you.
Well, time to study because  I have to be ready for Peds.

Yeah! Little humans here I come =)

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OB Rotation

I love babies and I love to see their parents all excited over them . I enjoy their happiness.  However, I do NOT want to be a labor and delivery nurse.  Most times its happy and babies are adorable, BUT the sad situations overshadow those happy moments.

I had to see a newborn baby go through opiod withdrawals.  It’s pretty much the saddest thing I have ever seen.  The baby couldn’t have been more than 12 hrs old and he doesn’t have a family to keep him safe.  He was so small and so alone.

I was heartbroken.

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