The way I see it

What If :S

Maybe I have already posted about this, but I’ve been doing a lot of “what if” thinking.  What if I cant retake NUR 410, What if I cant get back into the Nursing Program, What if I never become a nurse, what if I become a loser and I go nowhere in life?

Ok, so I’m over doing it, but I’m just feeling anxious.  I’m just keeping things real so I am not so disappointed.  Don’t get me wrong I really want to finish this Nursing program that I started ages ago.

I meet with the Nursing committee January 5th.  I have to tell them why I failed and how I plan to succeed.  It’s insanely stressful.  I am scared.  I don’t know if I will be allowed to return to school to retake this course.  I hate going through this AGAIN.  Seriously guys, don’t do it….don’t fail any course in school.  However, I have decided to go through with this meeting.  I hope I am given the opportunity to try one more time, because I have decided that if for some crazy highly unexpected event occurs and I fail again…I will not try again.  This will be it.  That’s how I feel about it now….

I am 5 classes from graduating…

& I don’t know what my future holds.

I’ll just become a traveler like the lovely Lena






The way I see it

Life is just Funny

Funny as in weird.  I’m writing this blog in a hospital room.  A few days ago I was sulking about Community Health.  I was thinking of how unfortunate my situation was.  I’ve been sort of depressed and not really doing much except feel sorry for myself.  Ultimately I’ve been acting like a loser…by choice.  Life sometimes deals you a terrible card, but then you discover that that card is not the worst one you could have been dealt with.
Yeah, the direction my life is taking is not where I would want it to be.  However, it really could be worse.  I’ve got to deal with what I have now and just be thankful for what I do have.  I’ve got a family that backs me up no matter what.  I have great friends that encourage me and I really cant ask for more.  All I need is 5 classes to graduate.  Like my firend Chris said “EventuallyI we will graduate”.  I’m still planning on graduating next year-I just have to wait and hope that they grant my petition to continue into the program.

The way I see it

Not Sure

I am not sure how I feel.  It’s sort of like being a tumble weed on a windy day.  As you might have guessed, I failed to move on to my last semester of Nursing school.  I missed the grade by .08 and let me just begin to tell you that I’ve done my crying.  Of course, if people ask me about it I’ll start up a storm again…I’m still sensitive.  I was considering just dropping out, not even trying.  You guys know- I’ve been through this before & so I thought…maybe it’s the universe trying to tell me something.   I was feeling incredibly low and so I just decide to go out that night (yesterday) and see friends.  I didn’t even want to talk to anyone really.   I just wanted to get out of the house and distract myself from my thoughts.   I go to the Mesa Temple to see the Christmas lights and then I am more in the background.  I am looking but I’m not really seeing….I am not sure if that makes sense, but when I am in there, its like no one else is there.  I found myself following a group of people.  I was just there and after a while I felt like everything was going to be okay.  At that point I was hoping that the Instructor would give me a point or 1/2 a point, but I knew that if she did not….everything would be fine.

I decide to go home early from Mesa, and as I am walking out, I get asked to “hang out” to which I say yes (random, but it happened), then I find myself walking with a friend.   I ended up telling this friend about my situation and he was just a great listener.

Anyhow, come today Its confirmed that there is no way I could get that point.  I keep going back and forth with “What if this” “what if that”  those words will forever keep you in a cycle that will torture you with things that cant be tampered with…which is the past.  I will not go on to my last semester of Nursing school.  I will not graduate this May.  My plans have been ruined and I can only blame myself.

Don’t worry, I am okay now.  I am calm and now I can only wait to see what will happen to me.  I will petition for the last time to retake this class and I will graduate.  Even if I feel like giving up, I will not -that is just not who I am.  I will finish.  Now, I can only wait and hope that my petition is granted and my plans for graduation will only be postponed a few months.

Here I go again,

The waiting game begins.







Quick update

Guys, I overreacted.  I’m laughing about the whole thing now.  I miscalculated and freaked my self out for almost an entire day.
Everything will be okay =)
I don’t need to get an A on the final to pass the test, HOWEVER, that does not mean I will take it easy.  I’m still going to super study and aim for that 100%. I just wont be anxious and psycho about the whole thing.